Drift

I am a visual person. It is how I work and write and live. I have developed an entire process for it --          I listen and look for patterns which lead to connections which provide me a structure in which to operate. I like to "see" the story; need to "see" the story. I find comfort in there, reaching reasonable conclusions and finding a direction forward. BUT...life does not always provide me those patterns and even when it does, there are moments that fracture my nice picture of reality and render it unreliable. Those moments - you know the ones - pivotal, life-changing, stop-in-your-tracks moments - break your reality, fracture how you operate, and how you see the world. Those moments create drift. You can count on it. It is normal, and dare I say it, necessary. For in the drift, in the quiet, you can find understanding and clarity which in turn provides opportunity for adjustment and a new reality. However, too often we get lost in the drift. Clinging to our old picture of reality we move through the days working within old patterns and under old assumptions - not noticing (or accepting) the impact of the pivotal moment. With this disconnection between OUR reality and THE reality, we stay in the drift, never able to achieve clarity, never finding the new direction and never plotting the new path. We believe ourselves to be healthy but inside we still drift.

I have been lucky (yes, lucky) to have several pivotal moments in my life. My mom's passing was a big one. No matter your age, the loss a parent (or child, or sibling, or partner) is the same... it sets you adrift, leaving you rudderless, without structure or direction or desire. While in my drift, I wrote, and it is in that writing where I could again find the patterns and connections, where I could "see" the fracturing of my reality and so over time repair it. Drifting is scary and sometimes lonely, but in recognizing it for what it is and using it to push through the discomfort, to accommodate and adjust your reality you are able to learn and grow and move forward. If you don't, you simply drift.