Metamorphosis

"Loss" is felt in a variety of situations - the obvious one is the loss of a loved one to death or disease, but loss is felt in all stages of transition whether it is the loss of a job, loss of love, loss of self, or as in my recent case, the transformation of my son from a child to a man. I knew it would come, even saw it coming, acknowledged it out loud, but seeing him in his Grandfather's tuxedo this weekend preparing to take his girlfriend to the prom, I was stunned. No longer did I see the little face with big brown eyes staring up at me with sincere love and admiration, instead I saw the face of a man, enjoying his last moments of high school, ready to face his next phase. Do I grieve the little boy? Honestly, yes - there are times when I long to hold that little hand in mine again, hear his mispronunciation of 'leaf,' yet there is in him a light - a hope-full, spirited light that I am honored by and I take joy in his transformation. If I linger too long in the longing for the little boy I will miss out on the man. If I cling too tightly to the house rules (instituted for young boys), I will push the man out the door faster than desired. It is in my best interest and his that I move swiftly through the grieving part to the fascination, support and enjoyment of the man. There are still lessons to be taught, but the tactics must shift with the age. It IS difficult, it is sad and I do occasionally cry but they are happy tears - filled with admiration and wonder at who he is and what he will accomplish.

I am spending time now remembering the good times. Through writing and recording my memories I have discovered in hindsight that the man was in there all along...just waiting for the right time to emerge. Like the caterpillar who transforms to the butterfly, our son has become a man.